A glimpse of whatever is inside of my mind

There’s a point in our life that we need some kind of a break, too much situations in our life makes us to shut everything somehow and be free for a moment, don’t get me wrong I’m not talking about get into drugs of drank my ass off, I’m just saying we need some freedom for us to be complete again. I say complete because whenever you feel tired of life is because you are feeling empty somehow.

In my case I’m very young to feel this way, some others say, but in fact I’m totally out of average of feeling tired of life because there’s some people at teenage quitting at life with a lot of reasons in their heads that maybe in the end are not that rational to quit a life, but the way they have been raised is a great factor for them to believe or feel they need to do it.

Me, in the other hand, I’m not trying to quit my life, God no, I’m just saying that really sometimes we need a break from everything to reload every battery in our system which is healthy and good for our mind body and intern peace, and because I use this space to express or vomit all my feelings that’s what I’m going to do. (:p)

First of all, I have written a lot of things to post here but I don’t have the time or I really don’t get the point to express it but well, now I’ll do it. I recently discovered that my life has been merely a big fat lie, that kind of life you don’t get to recover that easy. It has been a lot of years a guess and I kept on make a fool of myself by stop thinking about it and avoid the thought.

Which by now you might see that I cannot handle it anymore inside so I came up to this to feel lighter and somehow try to put it aside instead of living by it. I understand everything that comes with problematic situations comes with a process itself but by now I think I’m not even in the idea of the situation happening.

Not going to take so much time in this because I’m not in this mood at work and doing some blogging can be relaxing. But to keep on this I want to get out and do wild things, make myself adventurous and don’t regret anything that I haven’t done because I’ve been busy being Miss correct or Miss everything I do is for the best future I can have but really? I mean I feel I’ve waste some really huge part of my youth but I’m still ahead so when someone that you believed entirely disappoint you, you just want to messed it up because it moves yourself from where you thought it was the right path.

Hope this process comes quick and ends quick.

She said she has never liked candy…

Mother’s day is today and I wanted to make an example of what I feel about my mom. Just a little glimpse of what’s inside of this little noble heart. I’m about to turn 24, because in 5 days I’ll be 24, and I keep seeing my mom the same as when I was a kiddo… She’s a superheroine.

You know, when you’re a kid you see your parents as the bests in everything so you get to see an example of what you want to be in your life. I’m first child in a family of three children, we are five with my parents. But as much as I get knowledge on everything I get to understand that we, the firsts have something.

I remember to always want to see my mom happy or at least smiling because she had an amazing job but we didn’t get to see her much, so whenever she was with us I always wanted to make her feel good with my grades or to lead my baby brother the way I suspected she wanted me to.

I felt a huge charge in my back because I felt I needed to be everything for my mom to feel proud of me. That was the thing… I wanted to make my mom proud and I had always a straight face for everyone know I was good and fine to keep on going, with this I mean every kind of situation, school, being with another than my family, the struggle to go to school (yes… I didn’t like to go to school :P) and stuff a little kid would make a huge deal.

And at night I let myself be weak and miss my mom and cry all over until I fell asleep, next day was the same story. I remember to missed a lot my mom but that helped me to be better and to have this kind of motivation to feel that I needed to be somewhere.

The way I see my mom is the same I admire her so much, she’s such an amazing woman and she has never denied us something if we really need it and obviously she spoiled us to the top.

All I know is my mom has done everything for the three of us even though that is not always what we wanted but now I get it, I understand the fact that moms do everything they can to let us have a better life than the one they have lived, they want everything good for us, even when we don’t understand why they do. They know everything that is good, the right thing for their children.

There’s a lot to talk about a mother, but in my case I’ll keep some for myself. A real mom is when you want something so bad but there’s just one piece and she knows you want it so much so she said she has never liked it.

A real mom is the one who gives everything for her child, to be a mom is when you are really prepared to put yourself aside because the thing that it really matters now is not your life but the one you have born in your gut, it’s a completely different feeling. Because let’s face it, THE BABY CAME OUT OF YOURSELF that is such a wonderful thing is magic is something you can’t just blow it away, it’s such a connection, the way I see it when two persons become one is not when you make love with the one you trust and love for life. To become one is when you have a little piece of life inside of you and it eats inside, it sleeps, it feels, it grows, it kicks, it plays… that’s becoming one.

Mom, all I want is you to feel proud of your first child and I hope you have seen it in me, I will always admire you because I know you are a Mother, caress mother, gingerly, beautiful, kind and lovely. I can’t keep on writing because this pieces of sheets can’t hold so much awesomeness and I keep it as something to do it with actions not words.

Following Society

I guess the title says much more than this opinion will do, so why we do it? Easy question, we do it because we’re born that way (and I’m not quoting Lady Gaga) we are meant to an end. Since we are born our families are so introduced in a society and they teach us what they’ve been told which is what the system wants to be told.

I started this opinion because I literally live in some place that is commanded with a lot of capitalism points of view and me… well I guess because the philosophy I’ve been following because of my education and because of what I’ve learned (and I’m so sure about my convictions in life) I seem to be out of perspective sometimes for my inner circle, with this I mean my family.

I’m an open minded twenty three year old girl, introducing herself in publishing and writing communication sector, so that merely means I like to talk a lot and to express myself whenever I have the chance to do it. So well I’m doing my internship in some of the entities of my university, couldn’t be anymore nicer, they share the same philosophy and we can say we’re even with all this.

I’m good at writing and I want to make myself a space to do what I feel passionate about, either in English or Spanish, by now I’m beginning with Spanish but I keep writing in English to practice and because I like it. Okay to the point…

I wanted to express myself with this following society thing because it seems to be something that people like me get affected because of our different thoughts about how we see what’s happening in the world and how it works.

I’ve always been the good girl and with no voice, guess that’s why I studied something that would show everyone I have one but more, showed me I do have a voice.

Knowledge is everything, we are born for that and we die for that. And is what life is about. Learning. Accurate. But whenever we’re in high school, middle school or any other first education they introduce us to a big fat bubble called system. That means two things (or four), what you should do what you shouldn’t do, what’s wrong and what’s right… they don’t give space to our own decisions but we’re not talking about double moral stuff, too extensive.

According to everyone, personally, my decisions have been the wrong ones even though I’ve tried to follow what my family have exposed, and I’m not saying they are wrong in everything because they are definitely not, but I’m saying that what they call “open minded” it’s a little short of what it really means.

We’re manipulated, to do what people with power wants us to do, to keep doing for them to maintain the power they have. The main problem is that they are owners of means of production. Which explains that we have to do whatever they want for us to keep a job and make it alive.

So I’m saying in a few paragraphs or try to explain how this society works. Teachers teach you whatever they have been told, whatever society wants to tell you but once you are in some entity like my university you go and realize everything has been a freaking lie! But what we have left? Only keep following the rules because is how it is.

Conservative people have goods and bads, I respected them so much because of their convictions in whatever they believe is good (and I’m not saying I’m into debauchery or anything like that because I’m absolutely against that either but as I say I respect that way of living). Bads, they do not accept change or improvement and that only bring us anything but developing.

I like guys with tattoos, is that a bad thing? Long haired guys too? I like guys who dressed according to street fashion and I do like guys in a suit but is that some kind of sin to prefer the first choice? Do I have to choose the impeccable guy in a suit with no tats and short hair just because society tells me that’s the “ideal” man for an “ideal” girl? Absolutely NOT.

Are we in late twenties? No but we are in a relative situation and this situation is more representative in repressive societies like in my country. To be a good girl I have to not speak my heart and dress like a princess? I’m sorry but I have an extended language that includes insults and bad words WHENEVER the case is… that DOESN’T MEAN I’m a dude or I have no education because believe me I have PLENTY of it.

Conclusion, do I follow the system? Of course I do. Is what command us, rule us. We can’t get away from that and how one of the greatest professors I had in college used to say, if the systems still exist is because they work some way or at some point. What we can do is keep on acquiring knowledge follow our values and respect everyone with their own point of seeing life.

Whenever I make a comment about history or what is going on and what is the cause of everything happening I’m a revolutionary person… and I’m not touching subjects such as maleness, religions or beliefs, sure I’ll get is some huge trouble but as I said this is only an opinion like any other, can be bad or good it depends on how people take things.

Maybe I am wrong or maybe I am right who knows? But I do know for me, at this moment at this point is what represent what I think, would be improved for sure 😉

Is it me? / Soy yo?

04/01/2016

 

Ya desde hace mucho que no escribo aquí y la verdad no es como que muchas personas me lean lo cual no es el mero propósito del blog, así que me tomo mi tiempo para hacerlo. Usualmente escribo en inglés con motivos de mejorar mi redacción del mismo pero he decidido que hoy será en español.

Ya estamos en el gran 2016! Quién lo diría! Pues bueno yo por lo menos no diría que el 2015 fue un año lento… todo lo contrario, el año paso volando en nuestras narices que da vértigo saber que es un año más acumulado en nuestras vidas y memorias. Ya que el propósito esencial de este montón de habladurías es expresarme en los diferentes idiomas que sé, pues aquí voy.

El 2015 fue un año… creo que no sabría explicarlo muy bien (y eso que me quede pensando un rato para encontrar la palabra) no me malinterpreten, fue un año bueno, conseguí muchas cosas que hace 5 años aun no estaba segura de que fueran de la forma que lo son; conseguí cerrar pénsum de Licenciatura en Ciencias de la Comunicación y con mi Técnico en Publicidad que pues el 2014 se hizo oficial su final. Comencé el 2015 de una manera muy peculiar, lo cual me recuerda a la forma que estoy iniciando este 2016… espero de corazón esta vez hacer lo correcto y en lo que me sienta mejor con la decisión que tome. Regresando a lo que estaba, el 2015… lo comencé sin paz… he de decir que lo hice y creo que mi 2016 ha sido de la misma manera. No me pregunten, ni yo sé con certeza el porqué de toda esta encrucijada en la que me sigo metiendo.

Sin paz lo comencé por el simple hecho que deje entrar a mi corazón, de nuevo, a la persona que más he amado en mi corta vida. Claro esta que si una vez había sido desterrado del mismo es porque hubo ciertas situaciones que no nos permitieron estar juntos, se hacen la idea de que eso tiene repercusiones no? Pues si, las tiene. Mi familia esta completamente en contra de esta relación (si ya se lo que se puede pensar, la típica niñata que aun sus padres no le permiten la relación, que el amor es más grande que cualquier barrera y al final ellos claudicarán y se darán cuenta de su error…) esto es la vida real, y si soy sincera busco una historia romántica para mi vida pero se muy bien que tales cosas no existen.

Será posible que de alguna manera estar de nuevo con la persona que amaste no te de ni el más mínimo ápice de paz? Lamento informarles que sí, en efecto sí es posible. Las consecuencias que han traído muchos actos en el pasado y la mala toma de decisiones han sido el fruto de que esta relación vaya caducando, la razón por la que quise «aventurarme» de nuevo a esta relación la tome a mediados del 2015, al ver cosas que no imagine ver para que regresara con el susodicho me hicieron ver que amaba y amo a este hombre y decidí dar el paso. Claro, nadie lo sabe excepto por un par de personas, amigos y conocidos…

Creo que pueden imaginarse el resto, nunca vi el cambio por el cual di por sentado que iba a suceder al regresar con él, regresar fue para el únicamente «regresar» en el mero sentido de la palabra; sufrí mucho su pérdida, por consiguiente esperaba ver mas de él, un cambio y por supuesto, yo no sería la misma. Regresar fue como un balde lleno de recuerdos para depositarlos encima de nosotros y así mantener una relación.

Estoy en un punto en mi vida donde no soy lo suficientemente grande para planear lo que esta por venir y tomar sabias decisiones sobre ello y tampoco estoy suficientemente joven para no hacerlo. Tengo 23. Y tengo muchísimas aspiraciones, una familia donde las aspiraciones son muy importantes y sus capacidades también, concluí un ciclo en mi vida y estoy a pasos de comenzar uno nuevo, el problema? Al no tener paz conmigo misma hace que estas palabras se queden como lo que son, palabras…

Continuará…

 

Sometimes people say I’m just hair :D

From first to last

Today like other days I’ve realized that I’m really getting older… by older I mean, this is my last semester in university. No more classrooms, jokes, dancing, screams, laughing like loonies, no more desks, homeworks, ohh man so much things we left behind when the end is near. I wish my class group could be more creative to make such a huge party or something to celebrate and cry our hearts out cause we’re finishing a phase in our lifes… I’m 23 and I still dont feel like I’ve done everything I want. I’m a latina obviously I love being one 😉 but I really wish I could go somewhere else to work, to have a job in what I really like.

Growing up its a hard thing but wont bring us down 🙂

Helloooooo haven´t been here lately… college has been hell but here I am again! There´s so much to express and its October by now! Time flies like the wind, I wanted to write down again ´cause I feel like I need to; the sunset in my garage and between my 3 window livingroom, nice and peaceful. Sometimes I wonder if somehow there’s one human being that has done everything he/she wanted in life… I mean, personally, emotionally, phisically, you know. I was thinking about it ´cause I haven’t done everything I want and I feel like I dont have the time to do so… I have always wanted to dye my hair blue, red, purple whatever the case is! I have always wanted to pierce my lower lip, my nose or my right eyebrow. I have always wanted to have a little more freedom than the few amount that my parents have given to me… because lets face it, I’m 23 but I’m a great and well educated girl. But the fact that I haven’t have enough freedom was good but at the same time made me fearless and wild-ready-to-afront-everything, I want to live alone. Feel free to read a book in the middle of lunch or dinner, have time to think a lot, write a little bit, work in a magazine like I dream, sleep in the couch, have my boyfriend there whenever I wanted, have my ears enjoy the silence of peace… I don’t know I just wanted to share a lil of my «pensamientos encontrados» like we say in spanish. deep thoughts 😉

Love it 💞

BIG HAIR

My very First time

I’m really thinking about writting this as my description or only write… well this is my first time blogging, Im just doing it cause I really wanted to have a personal place to expose all my thoughts. I’m about to finish college, I’m a communication major, I originally speak Spanish, mean, my first language, but I really enjoy writting and speaking in english 🙂 To be honest I’ve had this idea in mind since a looooooooooooot of time but like always: time was the thing. I’m from a little tiny country named Guatemala, love it to death. Means I’m from central america, means I’m a Laaaaaaaatina baby.

So I’m doing this basically, I have tons of words about to pop out of my mouth but, as always, people just shut you down… and just tell me… how am I supposed to be shut if I’m well trained to speak 😉 yeah, like a great communicator I know when to stay quite… I like lots of stuff, such as books 😀 I love books, recently I haven’t have the time to read some of the ones I like cause college is being a pain in the butt. History, yeah well I’m a little nerdy but I love it, if we dont know the history behind we’re doomed to repeat the same mistakes. Pop Culture, lovee it, knowing all kinds of stuff about media is my thing, love social media btw. Playing with outfits. Eating healthy. Make up. Youtubing. Trends, actually that’s the reason I studied publicity and obviously cause we know everything ;).

Yeah, I guess this went well…

Lauugh always ;

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